SAD TO SAY BUT THIS HAS BEEN ONE CRAZY MONTH FOR ME. WORK, HOME, PERSONAL THINGS ARE ALL DRIVING ME NUTS! THANK GOODNESS THE MONTH IS ALMOST OVER. STRESSING A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH OVER WORK BUT THEN AGAIN WHO DOESN'T STRESS AT WORK RIGHT? GUESS I HAVE TO JUST SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT FOR NOW. HERE'S AN IDEA OF WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR ME THIS MONTH... MY CAR GETS REAR ENDED WHILE PARKED AT WORK, THEN THE MUTHA FUCKER REFUSES TO PAY. I CAME HOME LAST WEEK TO A JURY DUTY NOTICE. MY SPARK PLUG BLEW OFF YESTERDAY AND MY CAR WENT PUTT PUTT, ALL THE WAY HOME. HOW FUN. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH SMILECARE FOR CHARGING RIDICULOUSLY HIGH PRICES FOR THINGS I HAVEN'T YET DONE TO MY TEETH! WHAT IS GOING ON WITH OUR SOCIETY TODAY? CAN ANYONE PLEASE ANSWER ME THAT? LIFE'S A BITCH I GUESS... SOMETIMES I JUST WISH I WAS A KID AGAIN. NO WORRIES BUT HOMEWORK, WHICH IN A SENSE I ACTUALLY MISS DOING. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST QUIT EVERYTHING AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL. RENEW MY EDUCATION. THERE ARE SO MANY NEW THINGS THAT I HAVE YET TO LEARN. MAYBE TODAY'S THE DAY I START A LIST OF THINGS TO DO AND ACTUALLY DO THEM. I HATE MAKING PLANS BECAUSE THEY NEVER COME THROUGH. PEOPLE AROUND ME KNOW THAT. I NEED TO STOP THAT. SMOKING IS GETTING A BIT PRICEY AND MY LUNGS AREN'T HANDLING THE NICOTINE SO WELL ANYMORE. STOPPING IS A SOLUTION YES BUT EASIER SAID THAN DONE. GLAD TO SEE THAT THE MONTH IS ENDING SOON, AND BEFORE IT ENDS, THERE ADDS ANOTHER YEAR TO MY LIFE. BIRTHDAY'S ARE THE ONE THING CHILDREN LOOKS FORWARD TO BESIDES CHRISTMAS. BIRTHDAY'S TO ME NOW IS POINTLESS. FUNNY HOW THINGS CHANGE SO MUCH AS YOU GROW OLDER. WHEN YOU'RE YOUNGER, ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS BE OLDER TO DO THINGS YOU CAN'T DO WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG. NOW THAT I'M OLD, ALL I WANT IS TO GO BACK TO CHILDHOOD WHEN EVERYTHING WAS JUST SO CAREFREE. NO RESPONSIBILITIES, NO WORRIES. WHY IS IT THAT THE SOCIETY TODAY IS SO HARD TO IMPRESS? SO HARD TO LIVE IN? WHY CAN'T THIS WORLD BE LESS DEMANDING AND MORE RELAXED? BUT THEN AGAIN IF IT WAS MORE RELAXED, WOULD IT BE THIS CIVILIZED? HMM.. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE LEFT A BLOG ON HERE. I GUESS LIFE WAS MUCH BETTER WITH MY HUSBAND AROUND. WOW, HUSBAND. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M MARRIED. IT'LL BE A YEAR ON MAY FIRST AND HE'S NOT EVEN GOING TO BE HERE FOR IT. BUT THAT'S OKAY, THERE'LL BE A LIFETIME OF ANNIVERSARIES TO COME. I'M POSITIVE OF THAT. HOW AM I SO POSITIVE? WELL, IF I WASN'T THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE SAID MY "I DO'S!" I SERIOUSLY NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE MARRIED THIS YOUNG. I DON'T THINK MY HUSBAND THINK HE'D BE MARRIED THIS YOUNG EITHER, BUT IT'S KIND OF FUNNY HOW WE'RE SO SURE OF EACH OTHER. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I KNOW I'M TOO ATTACHED NOW. I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I'VE NEVER MADE SUCH AN EFFORT TO BE WITH A PERSON BEFORE. I'M NOT ONLY ATTACHED TO HIM, BUT TO HIS FAMILY. I'VE DEFINITELY HIT A DOUBLE WHAMMIE! HOW OFTEN IS IT THAT A GIRL COMES ACROSS A GUY WHOSE SO PERFECT, WITH A FAMILY THAT'S SO... HMMM.. HOW DO I PUT IT IN WORDS, "COOL." THROUGHOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOUGH OBSTACLE COURSES WHICH LEAD US TO GAIN MAJOR TRUST ON EACH OTHER. THE MILITARY OF COURSE HAS SEPARATED US TWICE NOW. I THOUGHT THE FIRST TIME HE WENT WAS GOING TO BE THE TOUGHEST. WHO KNEW WE'D MAKE IT THIS FAR? I SURE DIDN'T. YES, IT WAS HARD TO BE SEPARATED FROM A GUY WHOM YOU LOVE FOR 7 MONTHS AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR ONLY 5 MONTHS. BUT WE DID IT. SPENT A YEAR TOGETHER AND NOW HE'S GONE ONCE AGAIN. THIS TIME FOR A YEAR. IT'S BEEN ALMOST 2 AND A HALF MONTHS ONLY AND I'M ALREADY GOING CRAZY. I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT IT WOULD GET EASIER AND EASIER BUT I WAS WRONG. THIS IS MORE TOUGHER THAN THE FIRST! I ADMIT I STILL CRY TILL THIS VERY DAY. I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND NOTHING CAN COME BETWEEN US. NOT EVEN DISTANCE. WELL, 7 AND A HALF MORE MONTHS TO GO. WE CAN DO IT. AND WHEN HE COME'S BACK, OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFORE. WITH HIM BEING GONE, I'VE REALIZED THAT I CAN'T DEPEND ON ANYTHING OR ANYONE BUT MYSELF. IF YOU WANT THINGS DONE RIGHT, YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. I LEARNED THAT THE HARD WAY BUT AT LEAST I'VE LEARNED IT RIGHT? AT TIMES I DO FEEL LOST, AS IF I HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING I WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH. NOW I KNOW THAT IT'S NEVER TOO LATE. I JUST HAVE TO WAKE UP TO A DIFFERENT LIGHT. ONE THAT ACTUALLY LEADS ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. AN OLD FRIEND HAS REMINDED ME TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND STOP A SEC TO THINK ABOUT MYSELF. BY MAKING MYSELF HAPPY WILL MAKE OTHERS HAPPY. IS THAT REALLY TRUE? I'VE YET TO TRY. I GREW UP TRYING SO HARD TO PLEASE THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE AROUND ME AND NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MUCH IT'S NOT REALLY WHAT "I" WANT TO DO. BUT I DIDN'T CARE. NEVER REALLY THOUGHT TWICE ABOUT IT. JUST AS LONG AS THEY'RE HAPPY THEN I FIGURED MY WORK IS DONE AND I'LL BE HAPPY. SO MANY THINGS HAVE GONE ON IN THIS MONTH THAT HAVE LEAD ME TO LOOK AT THINGS IN A DIFFERENT WAY. IN A BETTER PROSPECTIVE I SUPPOSE. I THINK I'LL GO FOR IT. KEY WORD "THINK." I NEED TO GET UP AND ACTUALLY DO AND STOP THINKING. AGREED? YES! I BELIEVE I'VE JUST AGREED TO START OVER. TO HAVE A NEW BEGINNING. WOULD LIFE BE MORE EASY GOING? WELL... I SURE HOPE SO.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, psOut
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